The best approach

We must not approach Christ out of fear of how we will die and of what will become of us.  Rather, we must open out hearts to Him, as when we tug at a window curtain and the sun immediately shines in.  In this way Christ will come to us, that we might truly love Him.  This is the best way.  

How our past affects us

From Wounded by Love, The Life and the Wisdom of Elder Porphyrios, pg 174:

Man is not solely responsible for his transgressions.  The mistakes, sins and passions are not only personal experiences of the person who comes to confession.  Every person has incorporated into himself the experiences of his parents and especially of his mother, that is, how his mother lived when she was carrying him in her womb—if she was anxious, if her nervous system was exhausted, if she was happy, if she was  sad, if she was depressed.  In other words, her whole nervous system affected the nervous system of the embryo.  So that when the child is born and grows up, it assumes also the experiences of its mother, that is, of another person.  A state is created in a person’s soul on account of his parents, which he carries with him all through his life.  It leaves its marks within him and many things that happen to him during his life are a consequence of this state.  The way he behaves has a direct relation to the state of his parents.  He grows up, is educated, bit is not remedied.  This is where a large part of the responsibility for the spiritual state of a person is to be found.

There is, however, a secret.  There is a way for a person to be freed from this evil.  This way is a general confession, which takes place through the grace of God.  Your spiritual father might say to you, ‘How much I wish that we could be in a quiet place and that I could be free of all other duties so that you could tell me about your life from the beginning, from the time you first had consciousness of your self, about all the events you remember and how you reacted to them, not only the unpleasant memories, but also the pleasant ones, not only your sins, but also the good things, your successes and failures.  Everything.  Everything that goes to make up your life.’

I have often used this general confession and I have seen miracles worked through it.  The moment you relate these things to your confessor, divine grace comes and frees you from all the unpleasant experiences and wounds, the psychological traumas and feelings of guilt, because while you are talking, your spiritual father is praying fervently to the Lord for you to be liberated from all these things.

Some time ago a woman came to me and made a confession of this kind and she was greatly benefitted.  Her psychological state improved, because something had been tormenting her.  Now this woman sent a friend of hers to me and we went out and sat on the rock outside the monastery al Kallisia and she started to talk.  I said to her, ‘Tell me whatever you feel you need to.  If I ask you about something, then tell me.  If I don’t ask you, then continue talking, just as you feel you need to.’

I listened to all that she was telling me, not simply with attention but I observed the effect of prayer on her psychological world.  I looked inside her soul and I saw that grace was entering her, just as I saw her before me.  Because in the confessor there is grace and in the priest there is grace.  Do you understand what I am saying?  When someone is making confession, the priest is praying for him.  At the same time grace comes and frees him from the traumas in his soul, which have been tormenting him for years without his being aware of what caused them.  Yes, indeed, I believe very strongly in all this!

You can speak to your confessor just as you feel, but that’s not as important as it is that, as he prays, the priest looks into your soul and sees how you are and transmits to you the grace of God.  It has been proved that this looking into the soul is a spiritual radiation, which relieves you and cures you.  Don’t imagine that these are natural rays.  These things are true.  And what happened with Christ?  He took hold of the hand of the woman with an issue of blood and said, I felt power leaving me.  You’ll say, ‘Yes, but He was God.’  Christ, of course, was God, but did not the Apostles do the same?

All spiritual fathers and confessors have this grace and when they pray, they transmit it as conductors.  For example, if we want to switch on an electric heater in this room, then we need to take the cable and plug it in, otherwise it won’t work.  As soon as the cable is plugged in, however, the current passes through the cable.  These are spiritual matters of our religion.  We may speak about cables, but in reality this is ‘divine psychoanalysis.’

How prayer works

Another excerpt from Wounded by Love, The Life and the Wisdom of Elder Porphyrios

Prayer for others which is made gently and with deep love is selfless and has great spiritual benefit.  It brings grace to the person who prays and also to the person for whom he is praying.  When you have a great love and this love moves you to prayer, then the waves of love are transmitted and affect the person for whom you are praying and you create around him a shield of protection and you influence him, you lead him towards what is good.  When He sees your efforts, God bestows His grace abundantly on both you and on the person you are praying for.  But we must die to ourselves.  Do you understand?

You get upset when others are unwell, whereas what you should do is devote yourself to prayer so that what is desired comes about through the grace of God.  With your own wisdom, you tell others what should be done, when that is not necessarily the best thing.  The secret is to be found elsewhere, and not in what we say or suggest to others.  The secret lies in our devotion, our prayer to God for what is best for our brethren to come about through the grace of God.  That is the best.  What we are unable to do will be done through His grace. 

On prayer and how to pray

One of my all-time favorite spiritual books is Wounded by Love, the Life and the Wisdom of Elder Porphyrios.  The content of this book, I’ve found, is a balm for the soul.  Most Orthodox Christian bookstores carry it; if you are looking for a copy and cannot find it, write to me and I’ll help you source one, if desired.  Here is an excerpt, starting on page 116, where you can read further if you have a copy at home:

 We shouldn’t blackmail God with our prayers.  We shouldn’t ask God to release us from something, from an illness, for example, or to solve our problems, but we should ask for strength and support from Him to bear what we have to bear.  Just as He knocks discretely at the door of our soul, so we should ask discretely for what we desire and if the Lord does not respond, we should cease to ask.  When God does not give us something that we ask for insistently, then He has His reasons.  God, too, has His ‘secrets.’  Since we believe in His good providence, since we believe that He knows everything about our lives and that He always desires what is good, why should we not trust Him?  Let us pray naturally and gently, without forcing ourself and without passion.  We know that past, present, and future are all known, open and laid bare before God.  As St. Paul says, Before him no creature is hidden, but all are open and laid bare to His eyes.  We should not insist; such persistence does harm instead of good.  We shouldn’t continue relentlessly in order to acquire what we want; rather we should leave things to the will of God.  Because the more we pursue something, the more it runs away from us.  So what is required is patience, faith and composure.  And if we forget it, the Lord never forgets; and if it is for our good, He will give us what we require when we require it.

In our prayer we should ask only for the salvation of our soul.  Didn’t the Lord say, Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you?  Easily, without the slightest difficulty, Christ can give us what we want.  And remember the secret.  The secret is not to think about asking for the specific thing at all.  The secret is to ask for your union with Christ with utter selflessness, without saying, ‘give me this,’ or ‘give me that.’  It suffices to say, “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.”  God has no need to be informed by us about our various needs.  He knows them all incomparably better than we do and He gives us His love.  What is important is for us to respond to this love with prayer and with the keeping of His commandments.  We should ask for the will of God to be done.  That is what is in our best interest and the safest thing for us and for those for whom we pray.  Christ will give us everything abundantly.  When there is even a trace of egotism, nothing happens.