The Savior warns us in severe terms concerning anger that gives
birth to verbal conflicts and the use of abusive words.
I say unto
you, that whosoever is angry with his brother shall be in danger of the
judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of
the council: but whosoever shall say,
Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire (Matthew 5:22).
See, therefore, that Jesus sanctions neither anger expressed
outwardly nor anger in one’s thought. No
one thinks evil without corrupting the heart in which God should dwell. Whoever is angered in thought against his
brother tears apart a sacred tie between him and the other. And this tie is difficult to reestablish,
because the demon of anger, once it has penetrated the heart, fabricates
numerous arguments in your defense that stop you from reconciling. In the Epistle to the Ephesians, the holy
Apostle Paul gives a series of counsels to the inhabitants of the city of
Ephesus and emphasizes the sin of anger in a special way. The quotation from the beginning of this
article is from his Epistle. Knowing
that man gets angry for many reasons and that this anger has the tendency to
remain in the heart of man and to transform it into hatred (or at least to dig
a gulf between us), the Apostle counsels us not to allow the sun to go down
upon our anger. Through this counsel,
the power of anger—which often hurts and eventually becomes a deep-rooted sin—is
swept away and its power dissolved.
I am concerned about the sin of anger as an everyday sin
committed against those who are close to us:
against our family, friends, colleagues, an anonymous strangers who
happen to cross our path. In an instant,
anger expressed through fiery words against our wife or husband wounds the
sensitive bond between the married couple.
In the mystery of marriage, the Bridegroom is the symbol of Jesus, and
the Bride is the Church. The holy
Apostle Paul, in the Epistle to the Ephesians—the Epistle that is read at the
crowning service [the marriage ceremony]—in this sense speaks about the family
as a family church in which the bridegroom loves the bride with the love with
which Jesus loves the Church, and the bride loves the bridegroom with the love
which the Church loves Christ.
If the husband and wife would ponder on their marriage as the
relationship between Christ and Church, the sun would never set upon their
wrath, and they would never separate. Neither
would the children be delivered over to state or private institutions, like some
worn-out objects no longer needed by these two, separated through the sin of
anger, which was not extinguished at the setting of the sun. The love of their family becomes a hollow
word, which no longer matters before the demon who took complete mastery. A word said in anger wounds just as seriously
as a physical blow. If he who wounds
does not rectify the spiritual damage, little by little, a gulf is dug between
the two, a deadly coldness kills the sentiment of love and respect appropriate
between husband and wife; time deepens and enlarges the gulf. Later it is very difficult for them to be
able to throw a bridge across it—only with great effort and suffering.
I have seen spouses—who had maintained a good marriage for many
years—divorce after many years, causing pain for their children, who were,
perhaps, already married. I have also
seen happy spouses divorce after a short time, all caused by anger over time,
leaving small children to grow up in frustration and confusion, not
understanding who is father or mother.
Later, following the example of their parents, they no longer consider
marriage to be a sacred bond, like that between Christ and the Church.
I have seen brothers who loved each other in Romania, but after arriving
in America became estranged due to the pressures of being in a foreign land and
the difficulties of adapting. They
remained enemies until death, because their anger burst out fiercely into
strong words and because they allowed the sun to go down upon their anger.
An Arabic proverb says that when you become upset, count to ten,
and if you are roused to anger, to count to one hundred. I do not know how effective this solution is,
because it does not contain a mystical element; it merely appeals to the reason
to moderate the outward expression of anger.
I counsel my penitents that before they express their anger, be it in
speech or gestures, be it only mentally, to utter three or five times, Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on
me, a sinner. And if they say the
prayer quickly and inattentively under the oppression of anger, then they
should concentrate with humility upon the word “sinner,” and their anger will
abate. Many of them have succeeded in
making their life, their family relationships, their relations with other
people, and even their interior life change for the better.
All the conflicts in the world have their origin in unabated
anger. One is angry and wounds the
other, who then responds with greater violence and strength. Once this chain is begun, it cannot be
stopped except through the appeal of prayer—genuine prayer.
Change the conditions of this equation and substitute groups of
people for individuals and you will realize the immense dimension of the
disaster spawned by anger.
Try to put an unshakable obstacle before the demon of
anger. Put a guard on your mouth (cf
Psalm 140:3) and change the evil thoughts originating from the impulse of
anger, and your interior life will be transformed. The blessing of the Lord will work in your
heart, your tongue will no longer be so sharp, and the Jesus Prayer, uttered at
the necessary times, will convince you of your sinful state, thus stopping you
from either exteriorizing anger or keeping it in your mind and heart.
The name of Jesus is sweet to utter. It casts out the demons and brings the angels
back into the heart, into the mind, and you will bear yourself in meekness
before others.
Translated
by the St. Herman of Alaska Brotherhood from the newsletter of Holy Cross
Church in Alexandria, Virginia (in Romanian).
