Dear Readers,
The meditation below came from the “deep recesses” of some old
files—dated back to 2004. We’ll all find some beneficial advice in it.
I regret that I cannot note the source for certain, although the
latter part of the message probably came from Mother Alexandra’s writings in
the early ‘60s.
With the Sunday of Forgiveness nearly upon us, I ask your
forgiveness for any stumbling blocks or sins that I may have inadvertently
caused through the preparation of these messages or otherwise in our
relationship.
Sincerely,
Pres. Candace
Dealing With Hurts
For many of us, barely a day
goes by during which we are not hurt by another person. These offenses can come
in the form of a careless remark, an unkind glance, unfounded criticism or
gossip. They often come from family and friends, from people nearest to us. How
should we respond to these hurts? By examining the responses of Christ Himself
and the writings of saints and elders of the Church, we can glean for ourselves
helpful advice and worthy models.
In the eighth chapter of the
Gospel of St. John, the Jews accused Jesus of being a Samaritan and having a
demon. St. Gregory the Great comments that Jesus "was silent about what He
knew was true and He patiently rejected what He heard falsely said. See how
when the Lord is insulted He is not angry, and does not respond with offensive
words," (The Orthodox New Testament, Vol. 1, Holy Apostles Convent,
p.514). After verbally insulting Jesus, the Jews took up stones to throw at
Him, but Jesus hid Himself and left the temple. By this behavior, St. Gregory
says that Jesus teaches us, "Even when it is possible for us to resist we
should humbly avoid the anger of the proud...Let no one raise up against the
offenses he has received. Let no one return injury for injury. It is indeed
more honorable to imitate God by fleeing silently in the face of insult than to
prevail by answering back" (ibid., p.515). In our daily lives, we may
never find ourselves in a position of being stoned, nevertheless insults and
accusations from other people can feel as if rocks are being hurled at
us. Sometimes being silent and leaving the room can be the most meek and
appropriate response for a Christian.
In a similar vein St. Paul
wrote to the Romans, "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with
good" (Rm. 12:21). St. John of Kronstadt, a parish priest who
labored in Russia in the nineteenth century, tells us, "People offend you,
irritate you, breathe contempt and malice against you; do not repay them in the
same way, but be gentle, meek, and kind, respectful and loving towards those
very persons who behave unworthily to you. If you are agitated yourself, and
speak excitedly, rudely, contemptuously - that is unlovingly - then you will be
vanquished yourself" (My Life in Christ, pt.1, Holy Trinity Monastery,
1971, p.123).
He goes on to explain that if
we respond to offenses in a sinful, disturbed manner, the person might notice
our weakness and offend us further. Rather we must pity our neighbor. St. John
says, the more rude and irritated he is, the more hatred he nourishes towards
you, the more meekness and love you must show him. Then you will surely conquer
him. God is always stronger than evil, and therefore always conquers. Remember
also that we are all weak, and are very easily overcome by passions, and
therefore be meek and indulgent to those who sin against you, knowing that you
yourself often suffer from the same infirmity as your brother. Forgive those
who trespass against you, so that God may forgive your trespasses, incomparably
greater than the trespasses of others against you. Be always calm, lofty in
spirit, unsuspicious, firm, simple, and kind-hearted, and you will always
triumph over your enemies (ibid. p.124). The devil, seeing our irritation
with our neighbor, will build on our weakness for his advantage. In other
words, we should remember that the devil is working to emphasize our neighbor's
sins in our eyes so that we will have enmity, rather than love, in our hearts
towards our neighbor.
St. John of Kronstadt
comments, "How many trifling and incessant pretexts the hater of mankind
offers us for hating our neighbor, so that we are almost constantly angry with
others, almost constantly bearing malice against others, and living in
accordance with his infernal all-destructive will" (ibid., pt. 2, p.27).
St. John goes on to explain that the devil cunningly induces us to notice the
sins of others and react angrily. By this method, the devil keeps us distracted
from the anger which rightfully should be directed against him, the deviser of
evil and division. If indeed our brother is guilty in some way, "we must
despise the sins, the faults themselves, and not our brother who commits them
at the devil's instigation, through infirmity and habit." St. John continues:
we must pity him, and gently and lovingly instruct him, as one who forgets
himself, or who is sick, as a prisoner and slave of his sin. But our animosity,
our anger towards the sinner only increases his sickness, oblivion, and
spiritual bondage, instead of lessening them; besides this, it makes us
ourselves like madmen, or sick men, the prisoners of our own passions, and of
the devil, who is the author of them (ibid., pt. 1, p.183).
A twentieth century saint,
Staretz Silouan of Mount Athos, also linked the difficulty of loving our
neighbor with the presence of the devil: if you think evil of people, it
means you have an evil spirit in you whispering evil thoughts about others...I
beseech you, put this to the test. When a man affronts you or brings dishonour
on your head, or takes what is yours, or persecutes the Church, pray to the
Lord, and say, "O Lord, we are all Thy creatures. Have pity on Thy
servants, and turn their hearts to repentance," and you will be aware of
grace in your soul. To begin with, constrain your heart to love her enemies,
and experience itself will show you the way. But the man who thinks with malice
of his enemies has not God's love within him and does not know God (The
Undistorted Image, Faith Press, 1958, p.125-6).
Yes, in our daily lives,
hurts and offenses will come. Personalities will clash. As St. Ambrose,
an elder of Optina Monastery in Russia, wrote in simple, graphic terms to his
spiritual children, "If a pot clashes with a pot, how much more impossible
is it for people to live together without clashing" (Elder Ambrose of
Optina, St. Herman of Alaska Press, 1997, p.157). Yet as we have seen from the
above examples we must deal with these hurts through silence, meekness, prayer,
pity and kindness. We need to remember that the devil stirs us to feel hatred
towards others for the hurts they inflict on us, but we must react with love
for neighbor, directing hatred only towards the sin. In this way we will bear
the name of Christ as worthy Christians.
Forgiveness
In the Lord's Prayer we ask
of God to forgive us, even as we forgive others. To forgive, how hard this
often is! It means a good deal more than not repaying evil by evil, it means
repaying evil by good. Actually, it demands that we wipe from our memory the
resentment, the hurt and indignation aroused by a wrong done us; and this is
still much more difficult than repaying evil with good.
Strangely enough we can be as
hurt by unintentional slights as we are by intentional ones. We may be
faced by a hurtful action that cuts to the quick, which seems and probably is
unbearable. At such moments, besides a prayer for fortitude remembering the
Lord Christ's words as He hung on the Cross, a positive act of will can free
us. It is almost like a physical reaction, a positive gesture like the throwing
off of a heavy coat and casting it aside.
Every resentment we carry on
with us, every scar upon our wounded pride becomes like a chain about our
ankles impeding our progress. We are in fact slaves bound by invisible but
powerful ties to those who have harmed us. We cannot be freed of them unless we
forgive, utterly and completely; then and then only are we free to approach our
Heavenly Father, praying Him to forgive us our many faults knowingly or
unknowingly committed.
We pray to be forgiven our
debts as we also have forgiven our debtors. How much have we forgiven and
therefore how much forgiveness can we ourselves expect?
--by Ileana, Princess of
Romania (Mother Alexandra) approximate date 1961
PS: Links to Ortho Thought blog entries from 2012 by +Metropolitan Anthony Bloom with reflections on preparing for the start of Great Lent:
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